I came down to the ville today and I saw TGJ… when I am right I swear that I am right…. I knew that he was shell shocked and today he admitted to it. I still love him no matter what I have said in the past. He said he still loved me and that he missed me. I am kinda torn right now because I have a decision to make as of whether or not I should walk away or spend time working through his Gulf war syndrome. I am not sure what I should do. This was the most respectable and honest relationship that I have ever had.
Side bar…somebody (Sabrina) spread a rumor talking about I am talking to Antonio now. My God how lies spread. I felt like I was back at GSU again. Why would I even want Antonio? He is damaged goods man. I don’t have time for other people’s trash. I can’t believe that they put that out there like that again. Some people don’t change.
Okay so back to my original story here…
I love T J. I feel like I am really torn. I want to stay but common sense says no… Why can’t I make up my mind? Why can’t he commit fully? Did she damage him that badly that there is no recovery. Tonight he said that he is going to be like Noel Jones. Noel is single. He said he was successful and was single. I asked him what about the next girl. He claims that there would be no next girl. Of course I think that is it foolishness. He does love me and I know that but I don’t know what to do right now. I have a serious decision to make in a matter of hours. I mean I am the round one number one draft pick. What is the real deal here? A part of me wants to curse him out and tell him to get the hell outta my life but the other part says that I love him and I want to be with him. I don’t want to settle though. I know he can be and is all that I would ever want in a man, but he is just scared right now. I have a decision to make. Should I stay or should I go.. I feel like Latoya Luckette.. Torn…not between anyone but just torn… I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know what to do.. I mean I am ready to play second fiddle. The more I type the more I have to realize that I know what my decision should be. I have never done what should be done though. Is now the time to start? For sanity’s sake people can I just make a decision? Do I stay or do I go?
So he agreed to talk to me in the morning when he is lucid. Do I really believe that he will be up that early? I set my alarm clock for 7:15. So I will get up, shower, and walk across the street to talk to TJ. He couldn’t even really look at me tonight. What is the issue man? Is divorce that strong of a force? I wonder if he told Sabrina that we were not talking anymore. She probably said “mission accomplished”. She scared him too deep for even my understanding. There is deliverance for him but he has to want it.